Reflections of a ratéd phone call

Last night, I had the amazing opportunity to talk with someone from back home who is very important to me. I was so happy. Afterwards though, I came to the realization that, it actually wasn't very well passed. I am very disappoingted in myself. There were so many things that I wanted to talk about and did that my conversation wasn't a real conversation. I did absolutely all of the talking. I wish that I could go back in time and redo my 20 minutes with her. Last time that I talked with her was 7 months ago on the phone (like last night) and then other than that, the night before I left the States. I'm afraid of her impression that she got on the phone last night. What if it's not a good one? To be completly honest, I'm afraid to death to find out.

I know that I've changed during this year. I mean, come on, it's not at all possible to go on an exchange and not change. But, what if I've really, really changed though? I'm nervous that maybe I won't fit in with my life back home anymore.? The way that I function and work is different now.

Great, I'm crying in French class now. This is kind of stupid of me. Haha, how many times have I cried in French class during my life? My problem is that I care too much. Why am I worrying about this? I need to stop right now. In any case, I can't change what will happen now. I'm very happy with the choices that I have made in my life and if anyone has any problems with that, je m'en fiche!!!

Hopefully, she will read this and realize that I'm sorry. If we have another change to set things right, It'll be different.

Je suis désolée. Je ne suis pas tout à fait comme ça. Je te jure!! On doit le refaire. Tu me manques beaucoup. Pardonn-moi, s'il te plaît...


Bisous